


Until the Door Slams

by ChasetheWindTouchtheSky



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate POV to Color of Grief Chapter 11, As a thank you!, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:03:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChasetheWindTouchtheSky/pseuds/ChasetheWindTouchtheSky
Summary: Bellamy knew the girl on the other side of the door was obnoxious. She stood up to him, challenged him, kept him out, and was infuriatingly interesting. He knew this. What he didn’t know is how much he would feel her absence when she was gone.Alternate POV to Chapter 11 of The Color of Grief.





	Until the Door Slams

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fangirlFiona](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlFiona/gifts).



> Hello my loves!
> 
> Firstly, I’d like to dedicate this piece to sweetcheeks and fangirlFiona, who asked for it in Chapter 11 of The Color of Grief. This is a Bellamy POV of Chapter 11. I postponed writing this because I wanted 12 to go up, but I thought it would be a fun exercise! Honestly, this really gives nothing more than an alternate POV of that night, but you guys are so sweet, I wanted to make it for you. <3
> 
> If you are just stumbling on this, I will say this will make next to no sense if you haven’t read The Color of Grief. I’m not trying to peddle my fics and make you read them, you just really won’t know what’s going on if you don’t have the backstory of the other one.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Until the Door Slams

_By ChasetheWindTouchtheSky_

There are very few days in Bellamy’s life that he knows he’ll remember. When his mother died, when he succeeded in getting full custody of Octavia. Now? When the gentle sounds of Vivaldi’s _Winter_ finally gave him the confidence to do what he’s been wanting to do for months.

 

In a way, Clarke snuck up on him. He held out hope that he would find her as irritating as he dd the moment he met her, but there was something distractingly interesting about her. Even the first day they met and she went toe-to-toe with him, he felt something spark within him that he hadn’t before and all he wanted to do was argue again.

 

So he did what any rational adult would do: he went out of his way to find ways to cross paths with her, even if it meant slamming their communal door against the frame and shouting from the other side. When the door remained open and he asked Clarke to show him how to see the world, he didn’t expect the rush of feelings and _want_ from the deepest corners of his mind to spill out. But they did. And now she’s lying next to him in bed and all he wants to do is stay. His pursuit of higher education will be there tomorrow, but this moment may not.

 

In the end, he gets up and goes to work, his mind distracted by so many things – including the tank tops Clarke wears to sleep – barely able to register any of the students before him. He all but snaps at one when he shows up to his office hours after skipping every class of his. “What did you expect to happen?” Bellamy nearly shouts at the student. “You don’t show up to class and now don’t understand anything. And you choose now, the weekend before finals, to come see me?”

 

The student has the decency to feel sheepishly to the point where Bellamy feels a bit bad. “I just need to pass the class.” They mutter, words spilling out so they’re barely understandable.

 

“Passing the class does require basic things like showing up.” Bellamy says, adjusting his glasses. “My advice to you? Cancel whatever plans you have and read that textbook front to back and find someone from this class to join a study party. Ten minutes with me is not going to get you that D you’re hoping for.”

 

When the student shuffles out, Bellamy sighs, leaning against the back of his chair. He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes until he sees stars, telling himself that looking at the clock with will not get the day to move faster.

 

**Clarke:** _Did I tell you that Roan wanted to do the wine ordering this time and accidentally order twice as much?_

Bellamy smiles at that, tension relieving from his shoulders.

 

 **Bellamy:** _Maybe he wanted a tax write-off of his own personal stash._

**Clarke:** _I’m totally stealing some_

**Bellamy:** _Honestly, it’s your civic duty._

His phone doesn’t light up again, which he understands. Clarke isn’t the best texter on a good day and when she’s busy it goes entirely silent. As much as it stresses him out sometimes, he likes the idea that she’s fully present with whoever she’s with. There’s a small gnawing in his stomach about the mixer, where he unlocks his phone and considers texting her.

 

He _wants_ to go. Sort of. The thought of facing Echo again makes him want to chew his own arm off 128 hours-style, mainly because he knows he was at fault in that whole relationship. He strung her along, even though there was a part of him that always knew if Octavia didn’t like her, it could go nowhere. And she has such a steely countenance when upset, the thought of facing that while in the midst of finals is enough to unsettle his stomach.

 

But he wants to go because he’s seen the look in McCreary’s eye.

 

Bellamy knows logically the man won’t do anything with everyone around. He may be a creep, but it’s clear there’s some intelligence there. He’s only been around the man once and he watched as his eyes tracked where Clarke was, only dropping when they caught Bellamy. Bellamy takes a calming breath and tells himself it’s not as bad as it seems – he’s just overprotective as a product of Octavia.

 

As if she sensed his thoughts about her, Octavia strolls through the door, gesturing behind her. “I’m assuming the shrinking college student outside is your doing?” She asks.

 

Bellamy sighs. “People are dumb.”

 

“Yeah, good thing you didn’t choose a career where you have to interact with them in their formative years.” Octavia says, rolling her eyes. “Ready for lunch?”

 

“Yeah, let me grab my bag.” Bellamy says. As soon as he’s close to her, Octavia wraps her arms around his shoulders and squeezes, much to his surprise. “What’s that for?” Bellamy asks.

 

“I know it’s finals and you’re stressed.” Octavia says into his shoulder. “You always look like you could use a hug, but don’t know how to ask for a hug.”

 

Bellamy wasn’t to argue, but finds he can’t, so he merely returns the gesture. “Thanks, O.”

 

“Anytime, big brother.”

 

The two make their way down the campus of the _University of Washington_ , the trees holding on to their last leaves as they slowly move into winter. Octavia chatters on about her new programs at the national park, Bellamy offering up thoughts whenever she does. He no longer grows overtly protective at the sound of Lincoln’s name, who he’s begrudgingly admitted is probably the best man Octavia could possibly be with. Which, of course, doesn’t go unnoticed by Octavia. “Lincoln really likes you, by the way.”

 

Now _that_ startles Bellamy. “How is that possible?” He says, probably a little too honestly.

 

Octavia leans back and laughs at that, grabbing onto Bellamy’s arm for support. Bellamy allows her to do this despite feeling a little foolish. “That’s exactly what I said!” Octavia exclaims once she’s caught her breath.

 

“You’re kidding.”

 

“I wish I was, but that are the exact words.”

 

“I don’t know if I should feel impressed or upset.”

 

Bellamy is thoughtful. “Neither do I.”

 

“Well, he really likes you. Even though you threaten him and give him the cold shoulder sometimes, he says he respects how protective you are of me. And that it shows how much he cares.”

 

“See?” Bellamy exclaims. “It’s not just me.”

 

“Yeah, you’re both freaks.” Octavia grows quiet, peering up at him, as if afraid to say the next thing. It’s so unlike Octavia that he turns.

 

“What is it, O?”

 

“He really likes Clarke, too.” Octavia says. “And Lincoln doesn’t warm to people quickly. You guys are pretty similar in that. He likes her a lot.”

 

Bellamy’s eyes narrow. “Why are you telling me this.”

 

Octavia sighs. “He wanted me to pass along a message because he doesn’t think the two of you are there yet.”

 

“And what, pray tell, is the message?”

 

“Don’t be a dick, okay? He’s gotten weirdly protective of Clarke after the whole Mt. Rainier thing. And the fact that I told about how her dad just died and she moved everything.”

 

“Stop stalling, O.”

 

“He says you should just make the decision and either ask her out and stop everything.” Octavia states quickly. “He thinks you’d be great together, but he also thinks all the dancing around may not be good for either of you, but especially Clarke.”

 

Bellamy folds his arms across his chest. “Does he now?”

 

“Come on, don’t be an asshole about it Bell, _if you can._ ” Octavia drawls. “He doesn’t mean anything by it. It’s just Lincoln has a very strict code of ethics—”

 

“And he decided to date you?”

 

“Shut up, Bell.” Octavia grumbles, but he can see the sneaking smile across her face. “He is of the mind that if you feel something, you should do something about it. This whole dancing around isn’t healthy.”

 

“You don’t say.”

 

“Come on, Bellamy, just—”

 

“Good thing I have a date with her tomorrow, then?” Bellamy offers casually, trying desperately to not look in Octavia’s direction. Octavia makes a small noise and stops in her tracks. Turning around, Bellamy looks at his sister innocently. “What?”

 

“You. Absolute. Jackass!” Octavia cries out, sprinting full speed at him.

 

All Bellamy can do is brace himself. This isn’t the first time Octavia tackled him in public and it definitely won’t be the last. They tumble to the ground, Bellamy’s bag splaying on the ground when he lands on his back. He can’t help but laugh though, looking up at the grey Seattle sky as Octavia shift to his side on her back as well. “You let me say all that stuff Lincoln said when we could’ve avoided this whole conversation!”

 

“It’s good to know that Lincoln feels more responsibility to Clarke instead of his girlfriend’s brother.”

 

“Say that sentence again and you’ll know why.”

 

Bellamy supposes he gets it, but it doesn’t stop him from being annoyed.

 

Neither make any movement to get up, Octavia doing nothing more than turning her head toward him. “What changed?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Just last week you were all ‘I’m going to ruin my friendship’ and ‘if it goes wrong, she’ll want to move out.’ What changed?”

 

Bellamy shrugs. “I just… got tired of making excuses.”

 

“And thank god for that. I was so sick of you moping around.”

 

Bellamy turns to her. “I was _not_ moping!”

 

“You were so moping!” Octavia makes a face. “‘What if she doesn’t feel that way about me?’ ‘What if I scare her away, O?’” Octavia mocks. “The only person blinder than you that you are in love with her is Clarke and that’s saying something.”

 

Bellamy makes a face. “New conversation, please.”

 

Octavia opens her mouth, but then softens. Placing a gentle hand on his arm, she says, “I’m really happy for your big brother.”

 

The kindness startles him a bit to the point where he doesn’t respond right away. Then, he reaches out to grab his sister’s hand and squeezes. “Thank, O.” He says, unable to stop his smile. “Me too.”

 

***

 

The night of the mixer went from relaxing to stress-filled over the course of minutes. One minute, Bellamy’s sitting in the kitchen of the Ark, his books strewn across the table, and the next Raven’s rushing into it, with a trail of people. Bellamy glances up at the group, seeing Raven with pizza’s in her hand. Jasper and Monty have armfuls of beer and Harper is setting something else down on the table. “No.” Bellamy states, waving his pen in their direction. “Absolutely not.”

 

“Shut up, Bellamy!” Raven exclaims, not even sparing him a look. “Jasper, will you grab enough cups for everyone.”

 

“Raven, you need to chill.”

 

“I will punch you in the throat, Jasper.”

 

“Cups it is!”

 

Bellamy watches in shock as Jasper shoves some of his textbooks aside. When he reaches to close one, Bellamy grabs his hand. “I will end you if you go any further.”

 

Jasper throws a panicked look at Monty. “They’re both so scary!” He exclaims. “What do I do?”

 

Monty puts his hands up. “Just don’t make any sudden movements, maybe they won’t see you!”

 

Jasper freezes.

 

Bellamy sighs, standing up. “Raven, explain!”

 

“Listen, he’s going to be here in a few minutes, so can you just pretend to be cool for two seconds?”

 

“What are you even talking about?” Bellamy cries.

 

“He’s coming over, Bellamy!” Raven exclaims. “Catch up and pretend to be normal!”

 

“Who’s coming over?” Bellamy cries.

 

“Shaw!”

 

“Who the fuck is Shaw?”

 

“How do you not know who the fuck Shaw is?”

 

“I remember who you are, doesn’t that count for something?” Bellamy exclaims.

 

Raven’s anger alleviates slightly as she tries not to laugh. “You are so emotionally stunted, I can’t even be mad at you.”

 

Harper leans into him. “Shaw is the guy from work Raven’s seeing. You met him at the Rainier retreat.”

 

Bellamy blinks. “You’re dating him?”

 

“Can you _be_ more far behind?” Jasper asks from the corner, where he’s setting up the pizza.

 

Raven sighs. “Listen, I know it’s finals and you’re super stressed out right now, but Shaw’s coming over in ten minutes. We haven’t done the not-just-sleeping-together thing. This is the first time I invited him to just hang out with people – and people I care about – so if you could just, be nice or whatever?”

 

Bellamy looks at his books on the table and groans. “Okay, but I can’t just hang out all night. I gotta study.”

 

“Yes, thank you!” Raven exclaims, jumping up and down. “I’ll take it.”

 

“I’ll move these.” Bellamy grumbles, scooping up his books.

 

Raven leans in, kisses his cheek, and all his frustration melts away. He tries to hide that part, say, “Whatever. He better not be a tool like Finn.”

 

When he’s in his room, he can’t help but look at the door in between his and Clarke’s room. He walks toward it, smiling to himself when he sees it’s wide open. Placing his hand on the door frame, he peeks his head in the room, unable to take his eyes off Clarke mural.

 

It’s breathtaking, the way she sees the world.

 

He finds himself staring at it, longer than he ever intended to. He’s drawn toward the colors in a way he can’t explain. There’s something about the way she’s placed them that makes him _feel_ warmth in his chest. He sees home when he looks at it, even thought the lines never created one.

 

When he turns his head, it nearly hits the chain screwed on the wall. He tries not to scowl at it, knowing it was from a long time ago when the two didn’t get along. It still bothers him, though, that she has it there in her back pocket. As if she doesn’t entirely trust the world to be kind to her.

 

Or him.

 

Shaking his head, he places his books at his desk as his phone vibrates in his pocket.

 

 **Clarke:** _What do you think?_

 

Attached is a picture of Clarke in a flowing, silver dress, twinkling in the gallery lights. It almost knocks him out, how she shines through. Bellamy takes a moment before responding, still a bit startled that she even wanted to do anything with him after how poorly they met.

 

**Bellamy:** _Um… wow._

 

 **Clarke:** _:D_

 

He doesn’t respond after that because honestly, he’s going to be distracted enough for the night as it is. Instead, he joins everyone downstairs, Shaw now a part of the group.

 

Shaw seems nice enough, but he can’t help but be weary. Raven may be the most amazing person on the planet, so he doesn’t want another asshole to drag her down. But when the two get into a very heated argument about jet propulsion, everyone else just shrugging at the exchange, he figures Shaw may be up to the challenge.

 

Bellamy gets himself a slice of pizza when Shaw walks up. “Hey man,” Bellamy says, nodding. “Good to see you again.”

 

“Yeah, same.” Shaw says with a smile. “It’s nice of you all to do this just to meet me.”

 

Shrugging, Bellamy says, “It was important to Raven.”

 

Shaw smiles to himself at that. “Even so. It’s nice.” He looks around the kitchen. “This is an awesome place, by the way.”

 

“Yeah, we’re lucky to live here.” Bellamy peers over his shoulder to see Raven animatedly talking to Jasper and Monty. “Listen, I’m not going to do the whole spiel because you seem nice enough. But just know Raven is important to us.”

 

The corners of Shaw’s mouth twitch up. “I know.”

 

“And we don’t take people who hurt people we care about likely. Not just me, all of us.”

 

“I know that too.”

 

“Just keep that in mind.” Bellamy states, handing him a beer.

 

Shaw nods. “I will, promise.”

 

Clapping him on the shoulder, Bellamy smiles. “Besides. It’s not me you have to worry about. It’s Jasper.”

 

The two turn to see Jasper attempting to shove an entire slice of pizza in his mouth. Shaw lifts his eyebrows and Bellamy shrugs. “What can I say? He’s scrappy.”

 

“Where the fuck is this new guy?” Murphy says, barging into the kitchen. Raven groans and mouths ‘I’m sorry’ in their direction as Murphy scans the kitchen. Once he catches Shaw’s eye, he points at him. “ _You._ You better not be a dick. Bellamy, beer me.”

 

“Beer you?”

 

“Beer me!”

 

Bellamy tosses a can of beer in his direction and says to Shaw, “Although, Murphy is most likely to murder you for no reason.”

 

“I’m getting that.”

 

Moving past him, Bellamy says, “Welcome to the Ark.”

 

The evening goes well enough, Bellamy checking his phone from time to time. He tries not feel anxious the later it gets, but Shaw is a pretty good distraction. He has a grasp on reality that is sorely missing from the Ark so Bellamy can’t help but find him easy to talk to. In fact, the two chat for the majority of the evening, Shaw talking about his time in the Army, Bellamy talking about growing up with Octavia. It’s nice, actually. And more interesting than any conversation than he ever had with Finn.

 

When the door opens, Jasper exclaims, “Is that Clarke?” and Monty cheers, the two of them a few too many beers in. Bellamy tries to ignore the way his heart skips a bit and he tries not to get up too quickly. A few people already are out of the kitchen as he’s standing, then he hears a panicked, “Oh my god.”

 

In that moment, he knew stepping into the foyer was going to change everything.

 

A part of him – the selfish part – didn’t even want to do it. Because that gnawing feeling in his chest that wouldn’t go away all day is back in full force, eating his insides as he steps out.

 

It’s as if someone punches him in the gut.

 

Clarke’s standing there, the door wide open, her fingers still touching the handle. Her other is out in front of her, caked with a dried blood that makes his own run cold. Her dress is torn and frayed at the bottom, dirt and muk splashed at the bottom. One of her straps is torn and the hairdo she had sent him a picture only hours before is pulls out and frayed.

 

What stops him is the dark purple on her cheek and bare feet. She’s unnaturally still – too still to be healthy in any way, her eyes staring somewhere ahead. What she’s seeing, he doesn’t know. “Clarke,” he says, his voice shaking.

 

As if that one word snapped her out of whatever world she was living in, her head whips up and stares at him. There are tears rolling down her cheeks and her eyes are swollen and wide, as if she’s seen far too much to ever be the same.

 

In a second, she’s gone.

 

She sprints up the stairs, leaving nothing more than a set of bloodied and dirty footprints behind. With only a moment’s hesitation, Bellamy pushes past Jasper and runs after her, only to have the door slammed in his face. “Clarke!” He cries, pounding his fist on the door. “Clarke, please! Clarke!”

 

A resounding crash echoes on the other side the door and he flinches at the noise. Raven sprints up to his side, panicked. “Can you get in?”

 

“She’s locked the door,” Bellamy snaps, jiggling the doorknob a few times in a desperate attempt to get in. Slamming his hand on the door, he tries once more, “Clarke! Clarke, come on!”

 

When there’s another crash, Bellamy swears under his breath and runs into his room. He’s unsurprisingly greeted to a closed door. Fine, if all he can get is a sliver to talk to her, he’ll take it. Pressing his hand against the door and shoving it open, it barely budges. “What,” he says to himself, trying to open the door again. And again. It slams into something, not letting him open it even a crack. “Clarke, please! Clarke!” He pounds against the door. “Clarke!”

 

After a while, he stops trying to get in. The noise stops and he stands close to the door, straining to hear. All he can hear is a panicked breathing. No sobs. No cries. Just a quick breath after another.

 

The worst part is the silence. When everything settles and he can’t hear anything. There’s a noise his right and Bellamy sees the group of the Ark standing out his door, almost afraid to come in. Bellamy shakes his head slightly and Raven closes her eyes and sighs. She moves toward him, placing her hand on his shoulder. “Let us know if you need anything.” She whispers.

 

Bellamy returns his attention to the door when they leave. He closes his eyes, the worst parts of his imagination running wild. He wants to be in her room – offer whatever he can – but instead he’s stuck with the helplessness of being on the other side of the door.

 

“Clarke,” he says, surprised at how off his voice sounds. It’s rusty, as if he hasn’t used it in a while, the syllables catching. “I’m here.”

 

There’s no response from the other side.

 

Bellamy doesn’t know when he falls asleep or how. His mind wanders, wondering how quickly everything shifted. He thinks of their kiss and planning their date. He thinks of Octavia in the park and the few texts he received throughout the day.

 

Where did they go? Where did all that go?

 

On the other side of a door, he supposes.

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Here you are! I hope you liked it. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my work enough to want alternate POVs! I’m so grateful for anyone taking the time to read! <3 <3 <3


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